Well, okay so I fail at blogging...haha! But my life is literally going by like a flashy blur these days.
I started my new new job last month and then school last week! If I'm not working, sitting in class, or doing homework, then chances are I'm finding stolen moments to snuggle my wiggly little princess. I say stolen because she seldom has time for such nonsense...such a busy-body, that Isabella!
I can honestly say I am doing much better with my situation these days. I've put myself in as much therapy as I can afford and after about two months I am already starting to feel little sprouts of my old self starting to pop up. I feel more confidant about my life and I'm not as ashamed to talk about it as I used to be. It's a work in progress. I've finally started to accept that I cannot expect results over night, a five year marriage cannot just be erased and I'm finally "okay" with feeling the pain of the loss and managing it, while also holding myself accountable for my own contribution to the situation. I no longer feel like a failure, more like a fighter :)
I will confess that before I was afraid to talk about real-life situations. I was afraid of what others would think of me, but I really want to be able to write about what's real, not what I wish was real. I have been accused of "playing the victim" by people who's opinions I used to value and hold in high esteem, so I immediately clammed up. I thought that the only time I should ever write was when I had something sunny to say. But now I know that just because I write about how I truly feel, does not in any way mean I am "playing a victim" I'm brushing off those negative crumbs in my life and moving forward.
I want to start setting aside a minute or two each day to chronicle this whole phase of my life. It's therapeutic for me to write about this, and one day I want to be able to look back and reflect on everything. Whether or not someone wants to read this no longer matters to me, I'm going to write what I want to write, you either like it or you don't, you either agree or disagree, either way, I'm a'writin' it, I hope that by being honest, perhaps I will help someone who is going through something similar. I certainly cannot be of any help to anyone if I am keeping it hush-hush because someone had a bag full of discouraging things to say to me.
Besides, I have so many positive things happening that I cannot wait to share!
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