Today Isabella embarked upon her first day of Pre-school! (she calls it "kid school") This has been building up for weeks. She has talked endlessly about the "boys and girls" she is going to meet. I'm not sure who has been more excited, myself, or her.
I was able to schedule her to go on days when I am in my algebra class, so it works out perfectly! We wake up together, have breakfast together, I take her to her school, then mommy goes to her own school. It's really kind of wonderful. I was so excited when I found out that my schedule was going to permit her to go, that I ordered her a monogrammed lunch bag and back pack, and spent the better part of my paycheck on new duds for her at Gymboree. But tell me, who could resist those polka dot shoes?!
She loved her first day so much. When I dropped her off she ran right in, found a friend and said "Mommy, you can go to the car now."
I cannot believe my little chubby-cheeked red-head is already in pre-school. It seems like just yesterday I was in awe, hurting like I just got into a duel with a sumo wrestler, but staring at her asleep in her little clear box, terrified to have a nurse roll her out of the room for five minutes...
Now she wants me to wait in the car while she socializes.
Chooses her own shoes and socks, and puts them on all by herself.
is a silly ham.
has my freckles...sorry, kid.
has my mega-flexi-lips...sorry, kid.
is a lady...sometimes. A wise woman once told me, as long as you behave in public..."closed doors is closed doors." Thanks for the wisdom, mom-I mean...what?
is a daydreamer.
is a perpetual stinker who never ceases to amaze me with her stealth counteracted with a cherubic expression. I am so proud. You have learned well my child, you have learned well. Now, go forth and take on the universe as I have taught you.
My second day back at college. I'm in the library battling with the printer trying to print off some required something or other, I had already had trouble with my printer card, and was in a hurry to get to my next class. I quickly get up and there is an audible rip followed by a snap. Suddenly my shoe goes floppy, dangling off of my foot in the most peculiar manner.
Ipods were paused all around. One guy took out one ear bud to raise an eyebrow in my direction...the girl beside me busted out laughing.
I looked down, perplexed not sure what to do...do I keep walking with the flipped flop? Play it off nonchalant? That's it! Maybe no one will notice! I took a step...that option was obviously out of the question, the flop stayed put right behind me on the floor. That's when I looked back up, I could literally hear them thinking,
what is this strange redhead going to do now? I'm so glad that isn't me...OH CRAP don't make eye contact with her you fool! She might ask for help...I'm so glad that isn't me...
By this time my neighbor had recovered and she pointed one finger downstairs, she mouthed two words "Office. Tape." I quickly tossed the footwear nemesis Into my book bag, and headed for the office. Inevitably classes had just let out, the halls were packed. The office never seemed so far away. Here I was, dressed to the T with a silk flower in my hair, cute fingernails to match and...barefoot. Fashion statement? I could only hope.
I tried really hard to put off a hippie vibe.
I explained my plight to the young student aid working the office, she took a moment to stare at me blankly and then silently pushed a roll of black electrical tape in my direction. I was giggling like a mad women by this time and set to the task of taping the shoe TO my foot...that seemed like the best option. It got me across campus to my last class...and then it pooped out under my desk...Of course I made sure to be disruptive and show my desk buddy, who is a very big dude, named Sebastian. Sebastian wasn't quite sure what to think...he smiled politely and goes "Oh." So eloquent, that Sebastian.
Well, okay so I fail at blogging...haha! But my life is literally going by like a flashy blur these days.
I started my new new job last month and then school last week! If I'm not working, sitting in class, or doing homework, then chances are I'm finding stolen moments to snuggle my wiggly little princess. I say stolen because she seldom has time for such nonsense...such a busy-body, that Isabella!
I can honestly say I am doing much better with my situation these days. I've put myself in as much therapy as I can afford and after about two months I am already starting to feel little sprouts of my old self starting to pop up. I feel more confidant about my life and I'm not as ashamed to talk about it as I used to be. It's a work in progress. I've finally started to accept that I cannot expect results over night, a five year marriage cannot just be erased and I'm finally "okay" with feeling the pain of the loss and managing it, while also holding myself accountable for my own contribution to the situation. I no longer feel like a failure, more like a fighter :)
I will confess that before I was afraid to talk about real-life situations. I was afraid of what others would think of me, but I really want to be able to write about what's real, not what I wish was real. I have been accused of "playing the victim" by people who's opinions I used to value and hold in high esteem, so I immediately clammed up. I thought that the only time I should ever write was when I had something sunny to say. But now I know that just because I write about how I truly feel, does not in any way mean I am "playing a victim" I'm brushing off those negative crumbs in my life and moving forward.
I want to start setting aside a minute or two each day to chronicle this whole phase of my life. It's therapeutic for me to write about this, and one day I want to be able to look back and reflect on everything. Whether or not someone wants to read this no longer matters to me, I'm going to write what I want to write, you either like it or you don't, you either agree or disagree, either way, I'm a'writin' it, I hope that by being honest, perhaps I will help someone who is going through something similar. I certainly cannot be of any help to anyone if I am keeping it hush-hush because someone had a bag full of discouraging things to say to me.
Besides, I have so many positive things happening that I cannot wait to share!
I haven't posted in almost a month...ack! We have been so busy getting acquainted with our new life that I just haven't made the time to blog...but Isabella is "napping" (I can hear her over the baby monitor singing and playing with toys) so I thought I would take a minute or two to update!
Today was a great day. Isabella and I went to a play-date with my sister and some friends of ours that we have known since we were all little kids, it's actually really neat because ALL of us mommies were homeschooled together growing up! Our moms were all friends, and now WE are all friends. It's really special to me that we have been able to grow up together and have children together. Among the five of us there are ten kids! Can you say crazy?! haha! We have all experienced so many things over the years...there is just nothing like life-long friends! I feel so blessed to be back around such an awesome group of women. These are some women that I can really relate to, go to for advice and talk to whenever I need a shoulder. I have the most awesome people in my life! I just cannot say it enough.
It was a good 45 minute drive for me, so I had to pull through the Starbucks and get myself my vanilla latte...and I cracked up when Isabella asked if she could have her "coffee" too (Organic chocolate milk) I thought it was so cute when she asked "Mommy, I need MY coffee too." I love my little lady!
Things have been moving right along for us...our household goods shipment is set to come in from Hawaii next week and I am SO excited. I have really missed my "stuff" and I know poor Isabella has missed all of her toys. I got accepted to the college I wanted to go to and I'm getting enough financial aid to get me through the year! YEAH! I start in mid August and I will be going full time for Computer Science...I hope I can hack it (HAHA get it?) ...the math portion scares me to diddly death, but I'm ready to get to work!
I am having Isabella's 3rd birthday party this Saturday and I cannot believe that my little baby is turning three! She is SUCH a big girl...we are having a carnival theme and I got the CUTEST vintage style decorations at Hobby Lobby...I can't wait to post pictures!
Well here are a few pictures from our play-date today. I better get off of here and enjoy my "freedom" (I use that term loosely) while Isabella "naps" heehee!
The brood, take one! From left, Jacob, parker, Emma's legs and waist haha, Hilary, Isabella, Jackson, Madison and Caitlen. The kids were tired of sitting still at this point...can you tell?
The brood take two! Minus Jake and the two babies, Bella dnd Hudson. Isabella is the one in the gigantic hairbow, no missing her! heehee!
The mom squad! From left, Amber, Brittainy (my seester), Me and Candace. Tiffany isn't in the picture because she offered to take the photo...thanks Tiffany!
Today we're appreciated and noted for our valiant efforts in poop wiping, sleepless nights, nursing, dressing, combing, bathing, disciplining....oh yeah, and that small matter of birthin' 'em to begin with :)
Much love and awe from yers truly.
Now, go prop your feet up and laugh at your husband while he changes a diaper.
Well, Jet lag has waned and schedules are being re-established...things are starting to feel a little more normal. I miss Hawaii just a bit more than I thought I would...but a new squishy baby nephew to snuggle has definitely been an acceptable elixir for that malady. See that handsome studmuffin up there? He's my new man...too bad he's a total momma's boy...he cried after this picture...hey, I'm working my way in people...
Uhm...please try to overlook my brown roots showing through...been a little busy...Ms. Clairole and I definitely need to reconnect.
Isabella and I are happily nestled into my parents big ole house way out in the boonies...a huge contrast to our little suburb life we've lived the past 5 years. Being back at my parent's is more than a little surreal for me...the last time I lived here was when I was 18...right before I unfolded my still-wet wings and headed to the courthouse to sign myself away to a boy I barely knew. Yikes. Lets not go there...not until I've had at least two years of therapy...wait, make it three.
Monday I will go forth into the fray and begin my quest for a job...oh my. A job...pardon me while I rock back and forth and wring my hands a bit...I'll be leaving my little wienerschnitzel during the day to be a workin' woman...I cain't take it! I've stayed at home with her since she was just a little squirmy pink wad...I can't handle the thought of not being a stay at home momma...but she will be in Lovie's capable hands, so I've nothing to fear. Change is always scary, but I tell myself if I just take it one step at a time, things will start to feel less scary and more acceptable.
Bitterness? Oh yeah...I got some of that. Anger? How much do ya want...I've got a stockpile...Disappointment? Let me just go check my inventory, 'cause I believe that department is full to bursting. But such is life, my friends! I got my red-headed stinker-pants...and that's all that really matters.
And now, with my new-found sense of freedom, I will proceed to say how I really feel about things. Oh boy, this blogging thing? It's gonna be So. Much. More. Fun.
Whew-whee but I'm in a funk! And not just any funk...a rotten-dead-skunk-funk. That's a stinky funk right there...
I try not to post too much doom-n-gloom on here...but truth is, that's just not real life...real life has it's own little dooms and glooms...and Lordy but I'm a'goin' through some right now...and I've never been much for faking it.
My mom has always told me to take things one day at a time..."don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow..." that was a big one growing up, she said it to me all of the time. Drove me nuts! Funny thing is...now it's my mantra.
There. I feel a little better now.
Truth is...this little stink pot is one of the only things gettin' me by...well, that and my momma...poor momma...I wonder how many phone calls a day she has been getting from me during the past few months? Poor momma.
Today was a discouraging day...reality can be a real stinker. And when someone hands you a giant stack O paperwork...and you realize that the past five years of your life have been reduced to the paperwork in your hands...you wanna kick some butt, that's all.
But then my little sugardoodle gives me her "toot-face"...
I gotta post pictures of the toot-face. It's a force to be reckoned with...it could win over a pms'ing snapping turtle who just stubbed her toe on the edge of a coffee table after hearing that her shell got towed 'cause she parked it in front of a hydrant.
...anywho, she gives me the toot-face and says "I WUV you mama-baby!" and I'll be darned if that doesn't make me feel better.
In times of deep sorrow...I find immense peace in home made chocolate sauce. Never underestimate it's powers. It's like the nicotine patch for your soul, it doesn't cure anything...but it sure helps carry you through those hard times.
Whenever I'm stirring up a pan of chocolate sauce, I think about my mom. Standing at the old beige colored stove in our house, she would be stirring up a pan of chocolate sauce, usually at about 11:00 o'clock at night...then when it was done, we would pour it onto plates and eat it with our fingers.
Today was a bad day. In fact, it was a really bad day. Better yet, make that a monumental of horrid days. The kind of day that deserve their own little plaque that says: "Hey congratulations, ya big schmuck...you made it through this day...now, buck up, go to bed and get ready for tomorrow."
My life is about ready to take an entirely different turn, a scary, unfamiliar turn. A turn that makes me want to ruffle up my hair, rock back and forth, fiddle with my hands and mutter incoherently. This will reflect in my blog soon enough. But I'm not ready for all of that yet....so I'm going to show you pictures of cake instead.
It all starts here. The firm foundation known as angel food cake.
But we all know this is where it's at...the special sauce. Who knew butter, sugar, cocoa and vanilla could yield such beauty.
I like to overdue things. It's who I am...ALWAYS add clear vanilla extract to your home made whipped cream. The angels in your angel food cake will sing your praises.
Oh yeah baby...
Oh man...get in my belly. Half of it got in my belly...the other half had to wait...Isabella announced she needed to poo-poo and I had better HURRY or it was going to "get out"
Chocolate sauce after a toddler poop? Still tastes amazing.